Let’s be honest. How many of you have felt a tinge of envy when you see a friend’s Facebook post in some awesome place doing some awesome thing? Or wonder what they’re doing in life that you’re not doing to allow them to do such cool things? I know I have, and it’s ridiculous.
Now that I am in full swing launch mode for my upcoming book ‘Warrior’, I am quite active on social media 6 days of the week. As I use social media more and more, I have become hyper-aware of how curated most posts are. Most original posts seem to be the best moments of that person’s day or recreations of a happy moment. When I compare those to the offline conversations I have with people, usually that person’s reality isn’t what was posted. I understand – who wants to frown into a camera? But who realistically has awesome moments all day long?
Many of you might think, “that’s obvious, Dr. T!” I want to dig a bit further into this, because the repetitive dopamine cycle we fall into with social media isn’t necessarily good, and it’s hard to break.
I wanted to share some methods I’m working on to keep social media in its place so it does NOT get in the way of doing what I love, does NOT cause me envy or anxiety and does NOT keep me from being present with those physically around me. I hope these resonate with you. #5 is the most important of all!
1. When I scroll through my feeds, I remind myself to consider the source of the post. Some posts are intended to be uplifting, others attention-seeking. The poster made a choice not to show the cursing and sweating during the hike to that mountain vista, not the half-dozen fails before hitting the PR I’m watching nor the sad moment earlier in the day.
2. I know social media activity has been shown to be addictive (dopamine and narcissism are the key culprits). If, upon a happy or sad moment, I feel the need to tell the world about it, I know I’m giving in to that addiction, that my brain is seeking more and more social media stimulus, more and more dopamine-driven emotion, pleasure, and want. In these moments I shut off my phone.
3. I try to be happy for the person posting. Being authentically happy for others can really help in avoiding low moments. Everyone is unique and gets unique opportunities, some more than others. I do not have to know their whole story. Reminding myself to be authentically happy for someone helps me quickly get past jealous thoughts, and keeps the gifts of my own life in perspective.
4. When I get tired of only seeing inauthentic or staged posts, I consider posting my reality in that moment. People may hate it, people may like it. But it is ME, and it is real. One fourth of Americans have anxiety and or depression. Posting real sh*t can be really nice and helpful for someone who is having a bad day. Showing how life can be messy is a good thing. Just wait until all my book quotes start coming out…those show some of my messes.
5. I focus inward. The more I focus on caring for my own inner nature- quiet time, being present to my husband, human interaction versus text, the less I need or care about what others are doing. The more I focus on seeking approval from others the more I need to be in the know or find myself spending hours on Facebook.
Social Media is addicting, but it can be controlled. Try the 5 steps above and enjoy your reality. Post YOUR reality but only because you want to, not because you feel you NEED too. Give yourself time away from looking at other peoples’ lives and ENJOY and be present in your own.
For more on dopamine and social media addiction, read here.